One of the biggest revelations of adulthood is that everything is a choice. What we do, how we view things, how we feel. It's all completely up to us at all times. This is both freeing and annoying at the same time. Freeing when we have the courage to chose happiness, annoying, when we are in a rut and want to wallow in our own self pity.
When we feel stuck about something, chances are we are getting in our own way. Case in point: I was telling a friend that I feel very stressed about all the businessy stuff of owning a business, and feel I don't have time to do as much of the creative stuff, like write my yoga blog or spend more time improving my yoga teacher training program. She looked at me and said "You are letting the stuff you don't like take up too much room in your head." She is right. I realized that I allow the things I don't feel good about encroach like clouds and block the light of the things I am good at, and do enjoy. It's the classic constant battle of light and dark. It lives within us all, especially artists! Sensitive beings and people who tend to take great care in everything they do, run the risk of getting clouded over when we face a challenge that we aren't very good at YET.
As always it can be related to our yoga practice. When I'm practicing yoga, I don't worry about poses, whether I can get into them or not. I just keep a steady breath and do the whole yoga class as it's dictated by the teacher. I just keep going, and what happens happens, and what doesn't doesn't . Usually along the way, I shed a bunch of crap, and sometimes I end up doing a pose I've never done before, or had never been able to fully get into before. But I don't get there by worrying about that one pose during the sunsalutes, and the whole practice leading up to that one moment. I just get there when I get there. By being present and taking one breath after another. With the presence of breath, and the willingness to take a risk, the new pose just comes. Or, I fall flat on my face. But I usually don't die. And When I fall flat it usually provides a much needed laugh. ;)
So today I'm deciding what things weigh in my brain. I still have to attempt these off the mat poses which I have yet to master. I have to keep working on them every day. They are scary because I have no idea how to get into them. I"m not a webdesigner, but I have to build my website, I'm not a bookkeeper, but I have to keep the books. But what I don't have to do is let them weigh more then the stuff I am good at and enjoy. I don't have to shut out all that's good and fun while I attempt something new and scary. Infact the ingredience for accomplishing that new scary pose includes elements from all the poses you have already mastered. So to keep practicing the good stuff, raises the spirit, which creates strength for new growth.
I can easily make this distinction on the mat, because I've been taught well, that during practice you are in equanimity. So now my practice off the mat is to equalize the weight of the fun and the unfun. The stuff I excell at and the stuff I don't.
I'm struck by this one final idea:
I may not always have the choice of what details need to be attended to, but I always have the choice of where my focus is.